Below is everything (newest at top) with "life OR money OR employment OR humor" in its title or subcategories. For a strict listing (matching all categories and subcats), click hereMOVING TO MISSOURIfrom 2024 in ( family / holmes / doug / humor )
The adventure begins. A quiet, unassuming young man and his devoted wife and kids set out for parts unknown, unless you count Missouri as known. titleclick for larger view, if available href/images/meme-leaving-california.webp... read more
CAT FLU VIRUSfrom 2024 in ( culture / humor / covid )
Holy sh-t. If you have cats, watch out for this one. The Simpsons reported it years ago. Watch the last couple minutes of this video. Maybe you have seen it before. Hilarious. bitchute.com/video/5iK5dQ24UdxA/Watch on Bitchute On Wednesday, May 29, 2024 at 06:53:30 PM PDT, someone wrote: T... read more
HILARIOUS NEW PARODY SONGfrom 2024 in ( culture / humor / politics / music )
I posted it in lots of FB forums and didn't get automatic rejection On Monday, May 20, 2024 at 05:01:05 PM PDT: It's being frantically censored. See if you can guess why. bitchute.com/video/63nMp29rEPbIWatch the entire video, not just the preview, here ... read more
FOR HORSE RACE FANSfrom 2024 in ( culture / humor / animals / horse-racing )
I love it! This is great. va.media.tumblr.com/tumblrs9ucecaQP01zz1awp.mp4Watch on Tumblr ... read more
DOG GROOMINGfrom 2024 in ( family / pets / grooming / humor )
/images/joey-sitting-on-sunny.webp Someone asked, Do you guys do the grooming at your place only, or do you come to the dog's home? We don't do dog grooming or any other real world service. It's just a family... read more
ANOTHER NIGHT WALKING THE DOGfrom 2023 in ( culture / humor / blog / animals )
It was just another night out walking our Boston terrier, Cleo. Or so I thought. I put my boots on instead of the usual sneakers because of the recent rain. I like to keep both pairs tied but loose enough to slip on. Still, I have to wedge them on, using my fingers as a shoehorn. I should probably just buy an actual shoehorn... or a targ... read more
CLEO, THE FARM DOGfrom 2023 in ( culture / humor / pets )
CLEO (our Boston terrier, speaking through my wife, Tara): I can be helpful, Dad. I'm a farm dog! DAD: Pepperidge Farms, maybe. CLEO: Ooh, do we have any Pepperidge Farms?... read more
PUGS DRIVING CARSfrom 2023 in ( culture / humor / pets / dogs )
I stumbled upon these old photos and couldn't resist writing this. They were such GREAT dogs. First, it was Joey. /images/pugs-driving-cars-1.webp Then Chandler said, Me too, Dad! /images/pugs... read more
ABBOTT AND COSTELLO BUY A COMPUTERfrom 2023 in ( culture / humor / jokes / computers )
This is an old joke, so some of the program names might not be familiar.If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their famous sketch Who's on First? might have turned out something like this:COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTTABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm... read more
CONVERSATIONS WITH ARTIFICIAL SO-CALLED INTELLIGENCEfrom 2023 in ( education / tech / internet / humor )
I think I confused it... Me: True or false, unvaccinated children are far more healthy than vaxed? ChatGPT: False. Vaccinated children are far healthier than unvaccinated children. Me: According to whom? ChatGPT: Medical professionals, the Centers for Disease Control, and the World Health Organization.... read more
I'VE JOINED THE CHURCHfrom 2023 in ( culture / humor / satire / religion )
Hi everyone, I've joined the church! Some people came to the house recently and convinced me of the errors of my ways. I finally see the light of truth and joined on the spot. I've got a lot of catching up and I still don't fully understand everything, but I'm on my way now. The first thing was I got all my covid-19 s... read more
WAYS TO TURN DOWN UNWANTED MENfrom 2023 in ( culture / humor / jokes / men-women )
He: Can I buy you a drink?She: Actually I'd rather have the money.He: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.She: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.He: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?She: Must've been once. I never make the same mist... read more
GET OUT OF THE CARfrom 2022 in ( culture / humor )
...because this had me in tears, laughing. I guess it's a true story.Click on the image to the left . ... read more
PEOPLE WHO STILL SUPPORT BIDEN BE LIKEfrom 2022 in ( culture / humor / politics )
Funny! youtu.be/uE3EFV5DE18What We DON'T Want You To Know! - News Update on behalf of JP Sears Sent: Wednesday, June 22, 2022 6:27 AM Let's just blame Russia. In this segment of Lies You Can Trust, we take a break from committee coverage of the insurrection that never happene... read more
THERE, I FIXED ITfrom 2022 in ( culture / humor / home-garden / chores )
Handymen/women at their finest ... read more
ELON MUSK FLOODED WITH REQUESTS TO BUY FACEBOOK, LINKEDIN AND YOUTUBE TO RETURN FREE SPEECH TO THOSE PLATFORMSfrom 2022 in ( culture / humor / internet / social )
If you came here looking for an actual article, you'll be disappointed. The title has more words than the article, or did until I wrote this sentence. This is a joke, though I wouldn't be surprised to hear this is actually happening. Elon never calls just to chat anymore, though, so I don't know.... read more
YOU HAVE A DONATION FROM CLAY TOUSEYfrom 2022 in ( culture / humor / internet / spam )
They try hard on this one to look legitimate, but the fact remains that nobody shares their money with strangers unless it's a charity. icons8.com/icon/38968/quote-left This notification memo has been sent to you three... read more
PORTFOLIO MANAGER FROM STOCKHOLM, SWEDENfrom 2022 in ( culture / humor / internet / spam )
icons8.com/icon/38968/quote-left My name is doesn't matter, a portfolio manager from Stockholm, Sweden and a custodian of the Late David Holmes certificate of deposit (CD) valued fortun... read more
HAPPY 2/22/22 TUESDAYfrom 2022 in ( culture / humor / calendar )
A day like today has GOT to be special! Make it a good one!... read more
WELL SAIDfrom 2021 in ( life / health / covid / humor )
OMICRON... If you shuffle the letters, it spells MORONIC. -- from Sara Victoria, @SaraVic333: twitter.com/SaraVic333/status/1464506749898006533twitter.com/SaraVic333/status/1464506749898006533 ... read more
WHITE HOUSE, CDC AND W.H.O. ARE HEREBY BANNEDfrom 2021 in ( culture / humor / covid / politics )
In accordance with the White House's wishes, we are banning all misinformation from the worst offenders (the White House, CDC and WHO) from this website/platform. They have lost all credibility. I guess we should add justthenews.com/accountability/cancel-culture/facebook-faces-lawsuit-suspending-user-who-cite... read more
A NOVEL LOCATION OF PACK WORKER, ETCfrom 2021 in ( culture / humor / internet / spam )
Spam number 1Salute,A novel location of Pack Worker of our package association was unblocked. Our business offers a vast fee and training bundle to make you as a teammate of our team's expanding 'n' favorably influential fellowship.We unearthed yours data by means of the CareerBuilder online space and think that thine ... read more
THE DELTA VARIANTfrom 2021 in ( culture / humor / covid )
Remember back in 2020 when the entire world got an early April Fools joke with health officials giving the seasonal flu a new name, covid-19? And then those silly boys and girls in media began their fear and panic campaign? Almost everyone fell for it! Yeah, good times. Well, our wacky misleaders have done it again and renamed hay fever... wait ... read more
A COUPLE MORE HUMOROUS JUNK EMAILSfrom 2021 in ( culture / humor / internet / spam )
icons8.com/icon/38968/quote-left Salute,A fresh stance for Wrapping Headmaster for our logistics fellowship has just been commenced. Our partnership offers a very proper remuneration & instructional case ... read more
VACANCIES AVAILABLEfrom 2021 in ( culture / humor / internet / spam )
A global leader with a yahoo address? I don't think so. Supposedly from Kayla Smith but address is iran.retailer? And it was not sent to me but to bonabsad@yahoo.com. Starting to look like randomly-generated AI names, don't you think? icons8.com/icon/38968/quote-left... read more
A DILEMMA WE ALL NOW FACEfrom 2021 in ( culture / humor / covid / vaccines )
With all of these offers of free stuff coming out of Corporate America to encourage everyone to get this unnecessary (for 99% of us) and /pages/famous-doctor-once-administered-the-covid-shots-but-then-learned-the-truth/unwise covid vaccination, it presents us all with a dilemma: A free order of fries (or joint ... read more
BUSINESS PROPOSAL, FILE NO 180/86from 2021 in ( culture / humor / internet / spam )
Ah, yes, the good ol' Nigerian prince (with a Hungarian email address, for some reason) scam, just looking for somewhere to park my money! First of all, their numbering system is messed up. File number 180 out of 86? Anyway... icons8.com/icon/38968/quote-left... read more
ELECTRIC BICYCLE SUPPLIER FROM CHINAfrom 2021 in ( culture / humor / internet / spam )
How did they know we sell bicycles!? It's not mentioned anywhere on the site. Sure, we can sell you a bike by creating a link to a local bike shop and let them do the rest, if you want? Anyway, here's the latest very important random email: icons8.com/icon/38968/quote-left... read more
HACKERS HAVE ACCESS TO YOUR DEVICEfrom 2021 in ( culture / humor / internet / spam )
One of our favorite scams! Our comments are interspersed in brackets and look like this. icons8.com/icon/38968/quote-left aam726@abocol.comHello there. Let me introduce myself first -- ... read more
THE LATEST CREATIVE SAFETY SHOESfrom 2021 in ( culture / humor / internet / spam )
I'm starting to think this 163.com domain is not legit! icons8.com/icon/38968/quote-left salesshineo@163.comDear Sir,Lucky day to you! We ARE feeling lucky now that we've received... read more
COENZYMEQ10 ELDERBERRY EXTRACT ANTHOCYANIDINSfrom 2021 in ( culture / humor / internet / spam )
icons8.com/icon/38968/quote-left Hi Sir ,We have been caring about your esteemed company for a long time. Awww!!! They've been 'caring about us!' Attached our star products. We... read more
SUMPTUOUS OPPORTUNITY IS PROMPTLY UNCOVEREDfrom 2021 in ( culture / humor / internet / spam )
I am so excited! Sounds sumptuous!Received this email the other day from Iris Holets at mrtito88.yahoo.com. I'm sure that is an actual person and address. People don't lie about these things, but I'm concerned. They're asking homemakers to be package managers. What exactly does that mean? In-home prostitution? Unwitting mi... read more
JOHN CLEESE QUOTESfrom 2021 in ( culture / quotes / humor )
Creativity is not a talent. It is a way of operating.Nothing will stop you being creative so effectively as the fear of making a mistake.He who laughs most, learns best.... read more
COWBOY POETRYfrom 2021 in ( culture / humor / poetry )
I ain't much for shopping,Or for goin' into townExcept at cattle-shipping time,I ain't too easily found.But the day came when I had to go -I left the kids with Ma.But 'fore I left, she asked me,Would you pick me up a bra?So without thinkin' I said, Sur... read more
NO SERVICEfrom 2021 in ( culture / humor / phones )
. That's what my phone said when I arrived at the restaurant to pick up my teenage daughter. I couldn't text her to say I'd arrived. I would have to do the unthinkable: Get out of the car, physically walk in, and risk human interaction. Worst of all, one of her co-workers might see me! The horror! The shame! I had no choice... read more
ON THE SUBJECT OF BIDETSfrom 2020 in ( culture / humor / home-garden )
Hilarious conversation I came across on thegatewaypundit.comthegatewaypundit.com in the comment section of an article...No toilet paper for you!I have a bidet. Best investment eva!How do you dry your crack?It has a built in blow (heated) dryer.Holy moly! I'm slumming it with my basic... read more
DEER STEALS HUNTER'S GUN, FLEES INTO WOODSfrom 2020 in ( life / animals / wildlife / humor )
Of course, the deer is now considered to be armed and dangerous. Be on the look-out. A hunter in the Czech Republic now called Czechia was charged by a deer that snagged his gun on its antlers and fled into the woods with the weapon... Read, listen or watch... read more
HILARIOUS MEMES ABOUT LOCKDOWNSfrom 2020 in ( culture / humor / covid / politics )
Look folks, there's an easy way around the government ban on having a traditional Thanksgiving feast with friends and family. Hold a protest against colonialist oppression instead! As we know, protests are exempt from the rules, and are scientifically proven to pose lower risk of covid spread than, say, a MAGA meetup or a moto... read more
ORDERING A PIZZA IN THE NEAR FUTURE (LIKE, MAYBE NEXT MONTH)from 2020 in ( culture / humor / movies-tv-video )
A man learns how tough it is to order a pizza in the not-too-distant future.: youtube.com/watch?v-lVTDY75mlAHow to order a Pizza in the Future UPDATE: Even better, here's... read more
NORWEGIAN OFFICIAL APOLOGIZES FOR MAKING 2020 AN HOUR LONGERfrom 2020 in ( culture / humor )
Oct. 21 (UPI) -- The Norwegian official responsible for Daylight Saving Time in the country apologized for adding an additional hour to what has already been a very demanding year....: u... read more
WATCH DEEPFAKE DONALD TRUMP ON HIS FIRST DAY WORKING AT RTfrom 2020 in ( culture / movies-tv-video / humor )
Making news not faking news: Watch Deepfake Donald Trump on his first day working at RT...: rt.com/news/501369-donald-trump-rt-deep-fake/rt.com/news/501369-donald-trump-rt-deep-fake/ ... read more
CALIFORNIA UNDER QUARANTINEfrom 2020 in ( culture / humor / covid )
Hilariously sad. See youtube.com/watch?vZeCaYaG-ZRMWhat It's Like Living in California Now ... read more
AIRLINES GATE AGENTfrom 2020 in ( culture / humor / jokes / airlines )
An award should go to the gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was ebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. H... read more
TRANSPORTATION JOKESfrom 2020 in ( culture / humor / jokes )
New Los Angeles Driver's ExamFor those not fortunate enough to live in Los Angeles, here is a copy of the Los Angeles Driver's Exam. For those of you who are, study real hard. This is a new exam. Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique in Los Angeles, you may not have realized that the California Department of Motor Ve... read more
NON-FICTION HUMOR 3from 2020 in ( culture / humor )
How do these people survive? Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. We don't have half dozen nuggets, said the teenager at the counter. You don't? I replied. We only have six, nine, or twelve, was... read more
HUMOROUS QUOTES, PAGE 2from 2020 in ( culture / quotes / humor )
Some Thoughts On LifeRaising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree.There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pul... read more
HUMOROUS QUOTES, PAGE 3from 2020 in ( culture / quotes / humor )
Somethin' to think about Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on. I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them. If ignoranc... read more
NON-FICTION HUMOR 4from 2020 in ( culture / humor )
Acknowledging Receipt of Australopithicus Spiff-arinoThe story behind the letter below is that there is a man in Newport, RI named Scott Williams who digs things out of his backyard and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian Institution, labeling them with scientific names, insisting that they are actual archaeological f... read more
HUMOROUS QUOTES, PAGE 1from 2020 in ( culture / quotes / humor )
Somethin' to think about Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a trip around the sun. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them. ... read more
NON-FICTION HUMOR 1from 2020 in ( culture / humor )
Five people who have a job worse than yoursThe San Francisco Zoo has an elephant named Calle who has a chronic illness requiring medication. The zoo people couldn't get Calle to take her dose orally, so a California pharmacist developed a suppository. The 10-inch-long, four-pound, cocoa-butter bullets are crafted by the good folks a... read more
NON-FICTION HUMOR 2from 2020 in ( culture / humor )
Credit Card BillIn March, 1992, a man living in Newtown near Boston, Massachusetts received a bill for his as-yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away. In April he received another and threw that one away too. The following month the credit card company sent him a very nasty note stating they we... read more
CHRISTMAS JOKESfrom 2020 in ( culture / humor / jokes / christmas )
A Christmas StoryOne day, this past December, I was rushing around trying to get some last minute shopping done. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the Christmas season right then.It was dark, cold, and wet in the parking lot as I was loading my car up with gifts I felt obligated to buy. I noticed I was missing a rece... read more
COMPUTER SCREEN CLEANERfrom 2020 in ( education / tech / computers / humor )
No computer can do without this: /images/animated-screen-clean.webpscreen cleaner . Converted free by cloudconvert.com/swf-to-gifcloudconvert.com ... read more
EMISSIONS TESTfrom 2020 in ( culture / humor / transportation / auto )
/images/emissions-convo.webp A mostly one-way text conversation (click image) I had with my wife yesterday while she worked and I tried to get her car emissions tested. I was laughing at my... read more
HUMOR AMID OFFICIAL OVERREACTIONfrom 2020 in ( culture / humor / covid )
Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinkin... read more
MANGLED ENGLISHfrom 2020 in ( culture / humor / language / english )
This is pretty old, from the old /pages/family/holmes/newsletter/newsletter in 1992, when the Soviet Union still existed, but it's still funnyHow English is Being Used in Different Parts of the WorldIN A TOKYO HOTEL: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing ... read more
BANDANNA FASHIONfrom 2020 in ( culture / humor / covid / fashion )
Nobody bats an eye now when I walk into a bank or store with a bandanna wrapped across my face. Of course, the gun is still a sure giveaway.... read more
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE WARNS OF FALLING IGUANAS ON COLD NIGHT IN MIAMIfrom 2020 in ( life / animals / wildlife / humor )
The National Weather Service on Tuesday warned people in South Florida of the possibility of falling iguanas in advance of cold weather. 'This isn't something we usually forecast, but don't be surprised if you see iguanas falling from the trees tonight as lows drop into the 30s and 40s,' the Miami National Weathe... read more
JOKE IMAGESfrom 2019 in ( culture / humor / jokes )
WARNING: Not necessarily for kids (or the squeamish). /pages/animalsimages.htmlAnimals /seriesimages.php?filterjokesAll Joke Images ... read more
GET INTO FARMINGfrom 2019 in ( culture / humor / jokes )
Some bad language, but funny. i.imgur.com/Y102FBQ.webpvGet Into Farming ... read more
MEMES ABOUT MEMESfrom 2019 in ( culture / humor / internet )
A couple of good ones. storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3548386153one storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3548022635two ... read more
BRITISH PROBLEMSfrom 2019 in ( culture / humor )
Look, buddy, I get it. You have a Ferrari and 'wanna go fast' like Ricky Bobby but maybe central fcking London isn't the place for you.Phone doctors at 7.59 a.m.: 'surgery is closed.' Phone doctors at 8.00 'You are number 8 in the queue.'You can work with people who bitch, back-stab, lie, who ... read more
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ALPACAS AND LLAMASfrom 2019 in ( life / animals / wildlife / humor )
In case you were wondering, as I was... Click the image for a larger version titleClick for larger image href/images/meme-alpaca-vs-llama.webp See also, search.brave.com/search?qa... read more
RESTROOM DIFFICULTYfrom 2019 in ( culture / humor / employment )
Don't you hate it when you're at work?The end.Wait, no, that's not the end. You're at work -- on the bottom floor, because that's where the snack machine is -- and you decide to use the restroom. The cleaning lady is in there, with her cart blocking the door. So, you take the stairs back to your floor, the sixth, becaus... read more
THE RAINBOW ENDS IN SACRAMENTOfrom 2019 in ( culture / photography / humor / sports )
The rainbow really does end in visitsacramento.com/Sacramento ! My nephew Milan has captured proof. :) This was taken at their minor league team, milb.com/sacramento/Sacramento Rivercats , stadium where Milan works. Speaking of Sacramento, here's a list of... read more
COUPLE OF GOOD ONESfrom 2018 in ( culture / humor / jokes )
OK, three good ones. andand, this just in, something to settle the argument... ... read more
TAKING THE STAIRSfrom 2018 in ( culture / humor )
Don't you hate it when you're taking the stairs, looking down because it's a struggle, you think you've reached your floor only to look up and see you've got two more to go? Working on the third floor is rough!... read more
WORRYING WORKSfrom 2018 in ( culture / humor / jokes )
Worrying must work, because almost everything I worry about ends up not happening!... read more
TOO FUNNYfrom 2017 in ( culture / humor / transportation / auto )
This is too funny not to share. Almost every driver has been there -- when parking in a large lot or garage, it can be easy to misplace a car.But while most drivers locate their cars after a frustrating few minutes, one German man has been searching...: ta... read more
ON THE PHONE WITH NASAfrom 2017 in ( life / money / employment / humor )
Got off the phone with @NASA. Had to tell 'em, Look, I'm not willing to relocate. Stop calling! OK, so it wasn't actually NASA, I didn't say exactly that, and it wasn't actually a job offer. A recruiter did call about an opportunity there, though. I'm not a COMPLETE liar.... read more
LESSON ON TAXESfrom 2017 in ( culture / quotes / humor )
The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream. -- search.brave.com/search?qBill MurrayBill Murray ... read more
INSULTS, A FREE SERVICEfrom 2017 in ( life / help / services / humor )
Get your insults here!This is a free service that we're only too happy to provide. And just because it's free doesn't mean it's not professionally done. Give us a call anytime, but the later the hour, the worse the insult!... read more
WIFE'S JETTAfrom 2017 in ( culture / humor / transportation / auto )
Driving wife's Jetta while my car gets serviced. I called it a piece of $h! while I tried to climb out. Its door hit me in the forehead during the struggle.So, I guess we're even.... read more
IF A MAN SPEAKS IN THE FORESTfrom 2017 in ( culture / humor / jokes )
If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear it, is he still wrong?... read more
ACTION FILMS ON NETFLIXfrom 2017 in ( culture / movies-tv-video / humor )
Almost half of all action films on Netflix have a variation of this description: He thought he was retired, but has to do One. Last. Job!... read more
LOCAL PICK UPfrom 2017 in ( life / money / shopping / humor )
Just ordered a $10 item on eBay. They offered in Las Vegas, Nevada versus delivering it. I live in Nashville. I need to decide if it's worth driving out there. Suggestions? ... read more
FENCE GUYfrom 2016 in ( life / home-garden / humor )
So, the wife texts me saying, Fence guy quoted $35500 to do the fence. He's coming out Wednesday.This is a fence repair for a small backyard, not a new thousand acre fence.Me: How much?!Wife (paraphrasing): Oops, I left out the decimal point!... read more
CAN YOU SAY AWKWARD?from 2015 in ( culture / humor / family )
So, I'm walking back from feeding the neighbor's dog while they're on vacation. I see my wife and daughter in the car up ahead, just about to turn onto our street. I'm looking at them. They're looking at me. They're still about a hundred yards away, so I'm actually not entirely sure. To be silly, I pretend to hide beh... read more
ADDICTED TO CEREALfrom 2015 in ( culture / humor / food )
I think I'm addicted to cereal, I said. Addicted? she asked. Yeah, I'm gonna hit the street looking for my latest fix.And by 'street,' you mean Aisle 3 at Kroger, right?Don't question my street cred!... read more
PARENTS CODE OF ETHICSfrom 2014 in ( culture / humor / sports )
Signing my daughter up for softball, I had to laugh at this (stripped down) :I will encourage good sportsmanshipI will place the emotional and physical well-being of my child ahead of my personal desire to win.I will remember that the game is for the youth -- not adults.I guess they got sick of paren... read more
THIS IS DEEPfrom 2013 in ( culture / humor / internet )
I just had to share this comment someone left here on FriendsNews.com. Read it, absorb it, digest it, lather, rinse and repeat it. Then let me know what the %$# it means! Here it is:I comprehend that is genuinely uninteresting and you're merely skipping to the next comment, nonetheless i basically prefe... read more
LOST A FRIENDfrom 2013 in ( culture / humor / internet / social )
No, not that kind of lost (knock on wood).But, don't you hate it when you're walking along talking to someone, it's crowded, you hear a muffled scream but think nothing of it, only to realize several blocks down the street that your friend is no longer walking beside you? You've been talking to a homeless person for... read more
HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR CO-WORKER IS A THREAT TO NATIONAL SECURITYfrom 2013 in ( culture / humor / politics )
Essentially, pretend the Soviets won the Cold War and then conquered the United States -- that's how the government is operating.: themattwalshblog.com/How to know if your coworker is a... read more
HOUSE CLEANINGfrom 2013 in ( life / home-garden / chores / humor )
While doling out who would be doing what for today's house cleaning project, my wife Tara assigned the following to me: Strip and make the bed. Knowing me, she then felt the need to clarify. That means strip the bed. I'll just let that sink in for those who don't immediately get it.During the chores, she told Elizabeth ... read more
CLEANLINESS COUNTSfrom 2013 in ( culture / humor / pets )
Click on this link to clean the inside of your screen: /images/animated-screen-clean.webpscreenclean.webp ... read more
SO GOD MADE A DOGfrom 2013 in ( culture / humor / pets )
I love this. And on the 9th day God looked down on his children and said they need a companion, so God Made A Dog. Paul Harvey-style tribute to dogs.: youtube.com/wa... read more
HOW HUBBARD AND RAND GOT THEIR IDEASfrom 2012 in ( culture / movies-tv-video / humor )
According to cracked.com/video18426how-ayn-rand-l.-ron-hubbard-came-up-with-their-big-ideas.htmlthis video , this must be how it happened. Rand, in bed with Hubbard: We can take the most wealthy, privileged, powerful people and get them to talk like they're the poor, per... read more
BUREAUCRACY AT ITS WORST, LEGAL ARGUMENT AT ITS BESTfrom 2012 in ( culture / humor / legal )
Bureaucracy at its worst, legal argument at its bestPart of rebuilding New Orleans caused residents often to be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years.. With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes ... read more
SOLD ANOTHER BUMPER STICKERfrom 2010 in ( culture / humor )
Man, that's three this year. At a dollar apiece, I'm gonna be rich! :) UPDATE: That was at Zazzle, but now I recommend cafepress.com/lazypugcafeCafePress .... read more
FASTEST TROOPERfrom 2010 in ( culture / humor / jokes / non-fiction )
In most of the United States there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when temperatures drop to single digits or below. About 3 a.m. one very cold morning, Montana State Trooper Allan Nixon responded to a call. There was a car off the shoulder of the road outside Great Falls, Montana. He located the car, stuck in... read more
DOORMATS WITH A DIFFERENCEfrom 2010 in ( culture / humor / jokes )
MY FIRST BUMPER STICKER SALEfrom 2010 in ( culture / humor )
I just got an email saying I've made my first bumper sticker sale! They bought three, actually. At 33 cents commission per item, at this rate, one sale per year, I'll be rich in no time!UPDATE: That was at Zazzle, but now I recommend cafepress.com/lazypugcafeCafePress .... read more
LEAKED REPORTS DECLARE OBAMA'S UNWRITTEN NOVEL WINSfrom 2010 in ( culture / humor / silly )
There's always room for satire hereLondon -- Leaked reports reveal that on Wednesday, dbut Hawaiian novelist Barack Hussein Obama II, 49, will win the Lost Man Booker Prize, one of the world's most prestigious literary awards, with No Peace for the wicked!. It will be the first time in it's 41-year ... read more
A DAY WITHOUT MY CARfrom 2009 in ( culture / humor / transportation / auto )
I'm just testing this Windows Live Writer software. UPDATE: There's now a newer, openlivewriter.org/open-source version here. It was a dark and stormy night ... No, it was an unusually cold day ... yeah, that's it ... for the first week of December when I was forced to go without my belove... read more
DETROIT BANK ROBBERYfrom 2009 in ( culture / humor / crime )
Detroit PD should be ashamed! :) youtube.com/watch?v9iQQatPPDSEHere's the new link ... read more
CRUISE SPECIALfrom 2002 in ( culture / humor / jokes )
A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window:Cruise Special -- $99!She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, I'd like the $99 cruise special, please.The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to... read more
TYPICAL MAN'S TIMELINEfrom 2002 in ( culture / humor / jokes )
1972: Long hair; 2002: Longing for hair1972: The perfect high; 2002: The perfect high yield mutual fund1972: KEG; 2002: EKG1972: Acid rock; 2002: Acid reflux1972: Moving to California because it's cool; 2002: Moving to California because it's warm1972: Growing pot; 2002: Growing pot belly1972: T... read more
51 YEARS AGO (NOW 70+ YEARS AGO)from 2001 in ( culture / quotes / humor )
I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20.Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $2000 will only buy a used one.If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous.... read more
REAL WORLD MATHfrom 2001 in ( culture / humor / jokes / math )
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man smart woman romanceSmart man dumb woman affairDumb man smart woman marriageDumb man dumb woman pregnancy OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss smart employee prof... read more
SPORTS JOKESfrom 2001 in ( culture / humor / jokes / sports )
BaseballAn Irishman moves to the USA and finally attends his first baseball game. The first batter approached the batters box, took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming Run, Run. The next batter hit a single and the Irishman listened as the crowd again cheered RUN, RUN. The Irishman enjoyed the ga... read more
AN EMAIL EXCHANGEfrom 2001 in ( family / holmes / bill / humor )
Sent: Tuesday, February 06, 2001, 2:59 PMTara McKinneySubject: rescheduled againBetter not bring any boyfriends home tonight. I'll be here, after all. It's been rescheduled for tomorrow. Got a call from TekSystems-Huntsville. They've got a contract-to-perm job possibility. I told them that you would LOVE to relo... read more
AWARD-WINNING ENGLISH PROSEfrom 2001 in ( culture / humor / language / english )
Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compre... read more
AIRLINE CABIN ANNOUNCEMENTSfrom 2001 in ( culture / humor / jokes / airlines )
All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight safety lecture and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:1. On a Southwest flight 245 (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a f... read more
APRIL FOOLS DAY HOAXESfrom 2001 in ( culture / humor / holidays )
/images/groucho-clipart.webp SPAGHETTI HARVEST -- Bogus item on 1957 BBC news show Panorama. Viewers seeking advice on growing their own were told to put spaghetti sprig in tin of tomato sauce. SAN SERRIFFE -- Guardian newspaper pu... read more
ANDY ROONEY QUOTES (SUPPOSEDLY)from 2000 in ( culture / quotes / humor )
Andy Rooney on Monica. Can you believe it? Monica turned 28 this week. It seems like only yesterday that she was crawling round the White House on her hands and knees.... on Vegetarians. Vegetarian -- that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.... on Prisoners. Did you know that it costs forty thousand dollars a year to ... read more
A LITTLE BIBLE STUDY NEVER HURT ANYONEfrom 1998 in ( culture / humor / jokes / religion )
Subject: Why can't I own a Canadian? Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open lett... read more
STUPID SAYINGSfrom 1998 in ( culture / humor / jokes )
Save the whales. Collect the whole set. A day without sunshine is like, night. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 99 percent of politicians give the rest a bad name. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. HONK if you love peace and... read more
ICE FISHINGfrom 1998 in ( culture / humor / jokes )
Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, ... read more
BARBECUE SEASONfrom 1998 in ( culture / humor / jokes )
After months of cold and winter, we are finally coming up to summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking as it's the only type of cooking a real man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following... read more
SUCCESS EQUATIONfrom 1998 in ( culture / humor / jokes / math )
This equation should be taught in all math classes! From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? W... read more
BLONDE JOKESfrom 1998 in ( culture / humor / jokes / blondes )
Blonde in a hailstorm A blonde is driving home and she gets caught in a really bad hail storm.The hail is as big as tennis balls, and she ends up with her car covered with large dents. So the next day she takes her car to the repair shop. The shop owner, seeing she is blonde, decides to have a little fun. He tells her just to go home a... read more
HOSPITAL CHARTSfrom 1998 in ( culture / humor / jokes )
NOTATIONS ON HOSPITAL CHARTS Actual Sentences or notations Found In Patients' Hospital Charts She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. On the second da... read more
DID I READ THAT SIGN RIGHT?from 1998 in ( culture / humor / language )
In a public restroom Toilet Out Of Order. Please Use Floor Below In a laundromat Automatic Washing Machines Please Remove All Your Clothes When The Light Goes Out In a London department store Bargain Basement Upstairs In an office Would The Person Who Took The ... read more
INSURANCE-RELATED JOKESfrom 1998 in ( culture / humor / jokes )
Frequently Asked Questions About HealthcareQ: What does HMO stand for?A: This is actually a variation of the phrase, Hey, Moe! Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice repl... read more
AIRLINE GRIPESHEETfrom 1998 in ( culture / humor / jokes / airlines )
After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gr... read more