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Mangled English

by bill - 0000-00-00 - ( culture / humor / language )

( , , english, )

This is pretty old, from the old newsletter in 1992, when the Soviet Union still existed, but it's still funny

How English is Being Used in Different Parts of the World

  • IN A TOKYO HOTEL: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing please not to read notis.
  • IN A BUCHAREST HOTEL LOBBY: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
  • IN A PARIS HOTEL ELEVATOR: Please leave your values at the front desk.
  • IN A JAPANESE HOTEL: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
  • IN A MOSCOW HOTEL ACROSS FROM A CEMETERY: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
  • IN AN AUSTRIAN HOTEL CATERING TO SKIERS: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
  • ON A MENU OF A SWISS RESTAURANT: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
  • IN A HONG KONG SUPERMARKET: For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
  • SIGN OUTSIDE A HONG KONG TAILOR SHOP: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
  • SIGN IN A RHODES TAILOR SHOP: Order your summer suit. Because in big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
  • NOTICE IN "THE SOVIET WEEKLY": There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
  • A SIGN IN GERMANY'S BLACK FOREST: It is strictly forbidden on our camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
  • IN A ZURICH HOTEL: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
  • IN A ROME LAUNDRY: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
  • AT A CZECH TOURIST AGENCY: Take one of our horse-driven city tours — we guarantee no miscarriages.
  • AT A SWEDISH FURRIER: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
  • A DETOUR SIGN IN JAPAN: Stop: Drive sideways.
  • SIGN IN A BANGKOK TEMPLE: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
  • AT A COPENHAGEN AIRLINE TICKET OFFICE: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
  • IN A NORWEGIAN COCKTAIL LOUNGE: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
  • AT A BUDAPEST ZOO: Please do not feed the animals. If you have suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
  • IN THE OFFICE OF A ROMAN DOCTOR: Specialist in women and other diseases.
  • IN A HOTEL IN ATHENS: Vistors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.
  • IN A YUGOSLAV HOTEL: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

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