"Look, buddy, I get it. You have a Ferrari and 'wanna go fast' like Ricky Bobby but maybe central f*cking London isn't the place for you."
"Phone doctors at 7.59 a.m.: 'surgery is closed.' Phone doctors at 8.00 'You are number 8 in the queue.'"
"You can work with people who bitch, back-stab, lie, who are lazy or grossly incompetent - but if you lose your temper and swear at them, you're the bad guy. Offices need more swearing and less sh*t-stirring."
"To the guy stupidly revving his 25cc bike every time he goes past: You're NOT cool. NOBODY thinks you're clever. You're the very antithesis of both, and in my Britain you'd be hanging by your ankles in London Tower in a room full of revving scooter engines."
"Always saying please and thank you to Siri, Alexa etc. Because if there's a robot uprising, I feel a track record of politeness towards machines will be vital."
"'Are you going out Friday after work with us all?'... 'mate, I'll be out that door faster than a bat out of hell, running like Forest Gump to get away from you all, not stopping until I get home and can forget about work. So no.'"
"The deep sense of loss when you go to drink the last sip of tea, and realise you've already had it."