Get your insults here!This is a free service that we're only too happy to provide. And just because it's free doesn't mean it's not professionally done. Give us a call anytime, but the later the hour, the worse the insult! ... read more
I'm home after a long trip to Roanoke, VA and back. It was quite an experience overall. The 1-3/4 hour drive to SMF was punctuated by the puppy screaming and howling in the crate behind me in the van. She messed the newspapers once and I ... read more
The problem with the world is that truly stupid people -- with access and control over critical information -- are the ones running things. You don't have to be particularly intelligent to rule. In fact, it probably gets in the way. You s ... read more
For most people, winning $300 million in the lottery would be enough. They would retire, buy a big house and travel the world. Not Benny. He took the money and ran... for president. The house he had in mind was the White House. He didn't want to travel the world so much as save it from politicians. Retire? "I'll retire when I'm dead!" he said, not knowing so many people had that exact retirement plan in mind for him.
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Benny sat alone by the door in a recently opened Asian restaurant. The laminated menu offered Mongolian, Chinese and Japanese dishes, with each written in its native language. He had to flip it over for the English version on the back.
He was taking his therapist's advice, "throwing caution to the wind" and "letting the chips fall where they may." A sex therapist branching out to grief counseling, she was all about the clichés.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set. A day without sunshine is like, night. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 42. 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 99 percent of politicians give the rest a bad name. ... read more
bitchute/video/OUuSbbx68Xrc/Wish I could be there. Also wish Americans would do this. Of course, the footage from this video is all faked and never really happened (according to the BBC). Maybe they will have another even bigger non-existe ... read more
A Christmas StoryOne day, this past December, I was rushing around trying to get some last minute shopping done. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the Christmas season right then. It was dark, cold, and wet in the parking ... read more
I tried to come up with the best word to fill in the blank in the following sentence: He was the most ----- man I have ever known. He was certainly the finest, hands-down, bar none. Most fair-minded, too. With seven kids ready to cry It ... read more
Franklin has been adopted!Our daughter was sad to see him go, but he's now in a good home. And they're close to us, so she might get to visit sometimes. ... read more
We made it this far! The plane ride was terrible for several minutes when we had to fasten our seat belts, which Elizabeth did not want to do. She SCREAMED loudly for quite a while, ticking off everyone nearby. Luckily, part of it was dro ... read more
Just some random notes this morning. There's a real stray dog problem in Russian cities or, at least Moscow and Astrakhan. A lot of people even apparently let their dogs run loose. They're almos ... read more
Dr. Kwane Stewart has been a veterinarian in California for over 20 years. But for the past few years, he's been passionately motivated to impact the lives of homeless pets and their owners. ... read more
... contrary to intuition, over 90% of lost weight leaves the body as carbon dioxide exhaled from the lungs, disappearing into thin air. The remainder is excreted in urine, sweat, and other bodily fluids. ... read more
Despite a $98 million infusion for state-of-the-art baggage screening machines, the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) somehow missed a suitcase filled with explosives that blasted after a three-hour domestic flight. The shameful ... read more
You probably can't fix it yourself, and your mechanic might not be able to, either. Almost a metaphor for our times. See Scotty Kilmer explains new car repair. By the way, this guy's great. In various ... read more
The Wandering Eye Vol. 7 No. 1, March 19, 1995We're back! Sorry it took so long between issues, but the entire staff was frozen solid in a block of ice the past three months. We just now thawed out. You know how it is. We should have k ... read more
The Holmes Family Newsletter Vol. 1, No. 10 -- Worldwide Circulation -- December 6, 1989 Newsletter sold! The Holmes Family Newsletter was involved in a hostile takeover. A group of Japanese investors have taken control of the Ne ... read more