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Romance Math

by joker - 2001-07-23 ( culture / humor / jokes / math )

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

  • Smart man + smart woman = romance
  • Smart man + dumb woman = affair
  • Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
  • Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

    OFFICE ARITHMETIC

  • Smart boss + smart employee = profit
  • Smart boss + dumb employee = production
  • Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
  • Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

    SHOPPING MATH

  • A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
  • A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

    GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

  • A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
  • A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
  • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
  • A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    HAPPINESS

  • To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
  • To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

    LONGEVITY

  • Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

    PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

  • A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
  • A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

    DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

  • A woman has the last word in any argument.
  • Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

  • Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

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