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Typical Man's Timeline

by joker - 2002-01-04 - ( culture / humor / jokes )

  • 1972: Long hair

  • 2002: Longing for hair

  • 1972: The perfect high

  • 2002: The perfect high yield mutual fund

  • 1972: KEG

  • 2002: EKG

  • 1972: Acid rock

  • 2002: Acid reflux

  • 1972: Moving to California because it's cool

  • 2002: Moving to California because it's warm

  • 1972: Growing pot

  • 2002: Growing pot belly

  • 1972: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

  • 2002: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

  • 1972: Seeds and stems

  • 2002: Roughage

  • 1972: Killer weed

  • 2002: Weed killer

  • 1972: Hoping for a BMW

  • 2002: Hoping for a BM

  • 1972: The Grateful Dead

  • 2002: Dr. Kevorkian

  • 1972: Going to a new, hip joint

  • 2002: Receiving a new hip joint

  • 1972: Rolling Stones

  • 2002: Kidney Stones

  • 1972: Being called into the principal's office

  • 2002: Calling the principal's office

  • 1972: Screw the system

  • 2002: Upgrade the system

  • 1972: Disco

  • 2002: Costco

  • 1972: Parents begging you to get your hair cut

  • 2002: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

  • 1972: Passing the drivers' test

  • 2002: Passing the vision test

  • 1972: Whatever

  • 2002: Depends

    Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mind set of this year's incoming freshmen. Here's this year's list:

    The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1983. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up. Their lifetime has always included AIDS. Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic. The CD was introduced the year they were born. They have always had an answering machine. They have always had cable. They cannot fathom not having a remote control. Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show. Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws. They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are. They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane Boss, de plane". They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is. McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers. They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter. Do you feel old yet?

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