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Typical Man's Timeline

by joker - 2002-01-04 ( culture / humor / jokes )

  • -- 1972: Long hair; 2002: Longing for hair

  • -- 1972: The perfect high; 2002: The perfect high yield mutual fund

  • -- 1972: KEG; 2002: EKG

  • -- 1972: Acid rock; 2002: Acid reflux

  • -- 1972: Moving to California because it's cool; 2002: Moving to California because it's warm

  • -- 1972: Growing pot; 2002: Growing pot belly

  • -- 1972: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor; 2002: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

  • -- 1972: Seeds and stems; 2002: Roughage

  • -- 1972: Killer weed; 2002: Weed killer

  • -- 1972: Hoping for a BMW; 2002: Hoping for a BM

  • -- 1972: The Grateful Dead; 2002: Dr. Kevorkian

  • -- 1972: Going to a new, hip joint; 2002: Receiving a new hip joint

  • -- 1972: Rolling Stones; 2002: Kidney Stones

  • -- 1972: Being called into the principal's office; 2002: Calling the principal's office

  • -- 1972: Screw the system; 2002: Upgrade the system

  • -- 1972: Disco; 2002: Costco

  • -- 1972: Parents begging you to get your hair cut; 2002: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

  • -- 1972: Passing the drivers' test; 2002: Passing the vision test

  • -- 1972: Whatever; 2002: Depends


    Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mind set of this year's (2002) incoming freshmen. Here's the list:

  • -- The people starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1983.
  • -- They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
  • -- Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
  • -- Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
  • -- The CD was introduced the year they were born.
  • -- They have always had an answering machine.
  • -- They have always had cable TV.
  • -- They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
  • -- Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
  • -- Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
  • -- They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
  • -- They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
  • -- They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
  • -- They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel" or "de plane Boss, de plane".
  • -- They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.
  • -- McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
  • -- They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

    Do you feel old yet?


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