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Did I Read that Sign Right?

by bill - 1998-01-04 ( culture / humor / language )

In a public restroom: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
    I sure hope so

Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAYCARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)


Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
    This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
    Really? Ya think?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
    Now that's taking things a bit far!

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
    What a guy!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
    No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
    See if that works any better than a fair trial!

War Dims Hope for Peace
    I can see where it might have that effect!

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
    Ya think?!

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
    Who would have thought!

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
    They may be on to something!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
    You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
    He probably IS the battery charge!

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
    Weren't they fat enough?!

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
    That's what he gets for eating those beans!

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
    Do they taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
    Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
    Boy, are they tall! Would they make a great basketball team.

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
    Did I read that right ?


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