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Did I Read that Sign Right?

by bill - 1998-01-04 ( culture / humor / language )

  • -- In a public restroom
        Toilet Out Of Order. Please Use Floor Below
  • -- In a laundromat
        Automatic Washing Machines
        Please Remove All Your Clothes When The Light Goes Out
  • -- In a London department store
        Bargain Basement Upstairs
  • -- In an office
        Would The Person Who Took The Step Ladder Yesterday Please Bring It Back Or Further Steps Will Be Taken
  • -- In an office
        After Tea Break Staff Should Empty The Teapot And Stand Upside Down On The Draining Board
  • -- Outside a secondhand shop
        We Exchange Anything - Bicycles, Washing Machines, Etc. Why Not Bring Your Wife Along And Get A Wonderful Bargain?
  • -- Notice in health food shop window
        Closed Due To Illness
  • -- Spotted in a safari park
        Elephants Please Stay In Your Car
        I sure hope so
  • -- Seen during a conference
        For Anyone Who Has Children And Doesn't Know It, There Is A Daycare On The 1st Floor
  • -- Notice in a farmer's field
        The Farmer Allows Walkers To Cross The Field For Free, But The Bull Charges.
  • -- Message on a leaflet
        If You Cannot Read, This Leaflet Will Tell You How To Get Lessons
  • -- On a repair shop door
        We Can Repair Anything. (Please Knock Hard On The Door - The Bell Doesn't Work)

    Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?

  • -- Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
        This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
  • -- Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
        Really? Ya think?
  • -- Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
        Now that's taking things a bit far!
  • -- Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
        What a guy!
  • -- Miners Refuse to Work after Death
        No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
  • -- Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
        See if that works any better than a fair trial!
  • -- War Dims Hope for Peace
        I can see where it might have that effect!
  • -- If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
        Ya think?!
  • -- Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
        Who would have thought!
  • -- Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
        They may be on to something!
  • -- Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
        You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
  • -- Man Struck By Lightning
        Faces Battery Charge
        He probably IS the battery charge!
  • -- New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
        Weren't they fat enough?!
  • -- Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
        That's what he gets for eating those beans!
  • -- Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
        Do they taste like chicken?
  • -- Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
        Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
  • -- Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
        Boy, are they tall! Would they make a great basketball team.
  • -- And the winner is....
  • -- Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
        Did I read that right ?


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