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Did I Read That Sign Right?

by joker - 1998-01-08 05:00:00 ( in culture, humor, language) [php version] rebuild

  • In a public restroom
      Toilet Out Of Order. Please Use Floor Below
  • In a laundromat
      Automatic Washing Machines
      Please Remove All Your Clothes When The Light Goes Out
  • In a London department store
      Bargain Basement Upstairs
  • In an office
      Would The Person Who Took The Step Ladder Yesterday Please Bring It Back Or Further Steps Will Be Taken
  • In an office
      After Tea Break, Staff Should Empty The Teapot And Stand Upside Down On The Draining Board
  • Outside a secondhand shop
      We Exchange Anything -- Bicycles, Washing Machines, Etc. Why Not Bring Your Wife Along And Get A Wonderful Bargain?
  • Notice in health food shop window
      Closed Due To Illness
  • Spotted in a safari park
      Elephants Please Stay In Your Car
      I sure hope so
  • Seen during a conference
      For Anyone Who Has Children And Doesn't Know It, There Is A Daycare On The 1st Floor
  • Notice in a farmer's field
      The Farmer Allows Walkers To Cross The Field For Free, But The Bull Charges.
  • Message on a leaflet
      If You Cannot Read, This Leaflet Will Tell You How To Get Lessons
  • On a repair shop door
      We Can Repair Anything. (Please Knock Hard On The Door -- The Bell Doesn't Work)

    Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?

  • Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
      This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
  • Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
      Really? Ya think?
  • Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
      Now that's taking things a bit far!
  • Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
      What a guy!
  • Miners Refuse to Work after Death
      No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
  • Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
      See if that works any better than a fair trial!
  • War Dims Hope for Peace
      I can see where it might have that effect!
  • If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
      Ya think?!
  • Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
      Who would have thought!
  • Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
      They may be on to something!
  • Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
      You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
  • Man Struck By Lightning
      Faces Battery Charge
      He probably IS the battery charge!
  • New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
      Weren't they fat enough?!
  • Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
      That's what he gets for eating those beans!
  • Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
      Do they taste like chicken?
  • Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
      Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
  • Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
      Boy, are they tall! Would they make a great basketball team.
  • And the winner is....
  • Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
      Did I read that right ?

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