( culture / quotes / humor ) "Creativity is not a talent. It is a way of operating." "Nothing will stop you being creative so effectively as the fear of making a mistake." "He who laughs most, learns best."... read more
( culture / humor / covid ) The covid crisis provides the opportunity for many people to signal their virtuousness to the world. You'll see them walking or driving down the street, alone, with a mask up over their nose. And of course, many businesses are more "covid conscious" than others, employing guards at the ent... read more
( culture / humor / poetry )
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I ain't much for shopping,
Or for goin' into town
Except at cattle-shipping time,
I ain't too easily found.
But the day came ... read more
( life / health / covid / humor ) Good website for the latest horror stories: Vaccine Impact
I wonder how many people know the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines are not FDA-approved?
UPDATE: Actually, they have been approved, just not properly tested
DISCLAIMER: We are not medical professionals but can read what they say in the va... read more
( culture / humor / writing / blog ) No Service. That's what my phone said when I arrived at the restaurant to pick up my teenage daughter. I couldn't text her to say I'd arrived. I would have to do the unthinkable: Get out of the car, physically walk in, and risk human interaction. Worst of all, one of her co-workers might see me... read more
( culture / humor ) Hilarious conversation I came across on thegatewaypundit.com...
No toilet paper for you!
I have a bidet. Best investment eva!
How do you dry your crack?
It has a built in blow (heated) dryer.
Holy moly! I'm slumming it with my basic bidet!
And a heated seat... I know I'm rubbing it in.
... read more
( culture / humor / politics ) Read the rest of the article at powerlineblog.com
"Look folks, there's an easy way around the government ban on having a traditional Thanksgiving feast with friends and family. Hold a protest against colonialist oppression instead! As we know, protests are exempt from the rules, and are scien... read more
( culture / humor / movies-tv ) Read the rest of the article at How to order a Pizza in the Future
"
A man learns how tough it is to order a pizza in the not too distant future.
"
UPDATE: Even better, here's the original from 2006: Ordering Pizza in the Future... read more
( culture / humor ) Read the rest of the article at upi.com/OddNews/2020/10/21/Norwegian-official-apologizes-for-making-2020-an-hour-longer/3161603310054/Read the rest of the article at upi.com/OddNews/2020/10/21/Norwegian-official-apologizes-for-making-2020-an-hour-longer/3161603310054/ The Norwegian official respon... read more
( culture / humor / news ) Read the rest of the article at rt.com/news/501369-donald-trump-rt-deep-fake/Read the rest of the article at rt.com/news/501369-donald-trump-rt-deep-fake/Making news not faking news: Watch Deepfake Donald Trump on his first day working at RT... read more
( life / health / covid / humor ) Hilariously sad. See What It's Like Living in California Now
"We now have hundreds of thousands of so-called 'cases', 'infections' and 'positive tests' but hardly any sick people. Recall that four fifths (80%) of 'infections' are asymptomatic (1) Covid wards have been by and large emp... read more
( culture / humor / jokes / airlines ) An award should go to the gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was ebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an ... read more
( culture / humor / jokes ) New Los Angeles Driver's Exam
For those not fortunate enough to live in Los Angeles, here is a copy of the Los Angeles Driver's Exam. For those of you who are, study real hard. This is a new exam. Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique in Los Angeles, you may not have realized that the ... read more
( culture / humor ) How do these people survive?
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets", said the teenager at the counter.
"You don't?" I replied.... read more
( culture / humor / quotes ) Some Thoughts On Life
Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an a... read more
( culture / humor / quotes ) Somethin' to think about
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.
If ig ... read more
( culture / humor ) Acknowledging Receipt of Australopithicus Spiff-arino
The story behind the letter below is that there is a man in Newport, RI named Scott Williams who digs things out of his backyard and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian Institute, labeling them with scientific names, insisting that they ... read more
( culture / humor / quotes ) Somethin' to think about
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a trip around the sun.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.
If ignoran ... read more
( culture / humor ) Five people who have a job worse than yours
The San Francisco Zoo has an elephant named Calle who has a chronic illness requiring medication. The zoo people couldn't get Calle to take her dose orally, so a California pharmacist developed a suppository. The 10-inch-long, four-pound, cocoa-butter bul... read more
( culture / humor ) Credit Card Bill In March 1992 a man living in Newtown near Boston, Massachusettsreceived a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignoredit and threw it away.In April he received another and threw that one away too. Thefollowing month the credit card company sent h ... read more
( culture / humor / jokes / christmas ) A Christmas Story
One day, this past December, I was rushing around trying to get some last minute shopping done. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the Christmas season right then. It was dark, cold, and wet in the parking lot as I was loading my car up with gifts I felt obligated ... read more
( culture / humor / auto ) A mostly one-way text conversation I had with my wife, Tara, yesterday while she worked and I tried to get her car emissions tested. I was laughing at my own situation after a while, wondering what could possibly go wrong next. I never did get it tested because I really did have to leave and get ... read more
( culture / humor / jokes ) Read the rest of the article at washingtonflyfishing.com
Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.
Homeschoo ... read more
( culture / humor / language / english ) This is pretty old, from the old newsletter in 1992, when the Soviet Union still existed, but it's still funny
How English is Being Used in Different Parts of the World
IN A TOKYO HOTEL: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing please not to read notis.
IN... read more
( culture / humor / fashion ) Nobody bats an eye now when I walk into a bank or store with a bandanna wrapped across my face. Of course, the gun is still a sure giveaway.... read more
( culture / humor / blog ) Miscellaneous
Had alarm set for 4:15a.m., but the trash collectors in the alley behind my hotel thought 3:30 would be better.
At the airport, I was busted for trying to sneak contraband mouthwash and sweet tea through security
OK how are you supposed to cut a mango? No idea.
How's this for a gre... read more
( culture / humor ) Stumbled upon this and thought I'd share. Here's a sample...
Look, buddy, I get it . You have a Ferrari and you "wanna go fast" like Ricky Bobby but maybe central fcking London isn't the place for you.Phone doctors at 7.59 "surgery is closed" Phone doctors at 8.00 "You are ... read more
( culture / humor / employment ) Don't you hate it when you're at work? The end. Wait, that's not the end. You're at work - on the bottom floor, because that's where the snack machine is - and you decide to use the restroom. The cleaning lady is in there, with her cart blocking the door. So, you take the stairs back to your floor, ... read more
( culture / sports / humor / photography ) The rainbow really does end in Sacramento! My nephew Milan has captured proof. :) This was taken at their minor league team, Sacramento Rivercats, stadium where Milan works.
Speaking of Sacramento, here's a list of famous people from there (because we know you were wondering):
William Arthur Hol... read more
( culture / humor ) Don't you hate it when you're taking the stairs, looking down because it's a struggle, you think you've reached your floor only to look up and see you've got two more to go? Working on the third floor is rough!... read more
( culture / humor / blog ) Walking in from the parking lot into work this morning, on the sidewalk I saw what looked like a trail of blood. There was a big spot of it at the top of the sidewalk, and it dwindled as it continued downhill toward the front door. What the...? This building is out in the middle of formerly beautifu... read more
( culture / humor ) This is too funny not to share. See German man's car found 20 years after he lost it in parking garage.
"Almost every driver has been there - when parking in a large lot or garage, it can be easy to misplace a car.
But while most drivers locate their cars after a frustrating few minutes, one... read more
( life / money / employment / humor ) Got off the phone with @NASA. Had to tell 'em, "Look, I'm not willing to relocate. Stop calling!" OK, so it wasn't actually NASA, I didn't say exactly that, and it wasn't actually a job offer. A recruiter did call about an opportunity there, though. I'm not a COMPLETE liar.... read more
( culture / quotes / humor ) "The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream."
- Bill Murray
NEW! Random samples of dialogue from my novels!... read more
( life / help / services / humor ) Get your insults here!
This is a free service that we're only too happy to provide. And just because it's free doesn't mean it's not professionally done. Give us a call anytime, but the later the hour, the worse the insult!... read more
( culture / humor / transportation ) Driving wife's Jetta while my car gets serviced. I called it a piece of $h! while I tried to climb out. Its door hit me in the forehead during the struggle. So, I guess we're even.... read more
( culture / humor / jokes ) Joke we heard Lee Child telling (though we're fairly sure he's not the author)...
"If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear it, is he still wrong?" ... read more
( culture / movies-tv-video / humor ) Almost half of all action films on Netflix have a variation of this description: "He thought he was retired, but has to do One. Last. Job!Affiliate marketing link belowTry Fubo streaming TV... read more
( culture / humor / blog ) Me (joking, the other day): I'm out of toothpaste! Whaddaya gonna do about it?
Wife (without missing a beat): Find a husband with toothpaste, I guess.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I married her. :) And that's why I'm at the store right now, buying toothpaste. ... read more
( culture / humor ) Can you say awkward?
So, I'm walking back from feeding the neighbor's dog while they're on vacation. I see my wife and daughter in the car up ahead, just about to turn onto our street. I'm looking at them. They're looking at me (or at least it feels like it). They're still about a hundred yards a... read more
( culture / humor ) I think I'm addicted to cereal, I said.
Addicted? she asked.
Yeah, I'm gonna hit the street looking for my latest fix.
And by 'street,' you mean Aisle 3 at Kroger, right?
Don't question my street cred! ... read more
( culture / humor / sports ) Signing my daughter up for softball, I just had to laugh at this (stripped down) Parents Code of Ethics:
I will encourage good sportsmanship
I will place the emotional and physical well-being of my child ahead of my personal desire to win.
I will remember that the game is for the youth - not ad... read more
( culture / writing / stories / humor ) from February 1990
The High Priest announced, We must sacrifice a human life tonight. The crowd of Mibuku natives milling around the fire immediately tensed and fell silent. Suddenly, the High Priest pointed his holy finger at a lowly servant fanning the Queen. The servant shrieked.
Royal guar... read more
( culture / humor / internet ) I just had to share this comment someone left here on FriendsNews.com. Read it, absorb it, digest it, lather, rinse and repeat it. Then let me know what the %$# it means! Here it is:
"I comprehend that is genuinely uninteresting and you're merely skipping to the next comment, nonetheless i ba... read more
( culture / humor / politics ) "Essentially, pretend the Soviets won the Cold War and then conquered the United States - that's how the government is operating."
Read the rest of the article at How to know if your coworker is a threat to national security... read more
( life / home / chores / humor ) While doling out who would be doing what for today's house cleaning project, my wife Tara assigned the following to me: Strip and make the bed. Knowing me, she then felt the need to clarify. That means strip the bed. I'll just let that sink in for those who don't immediately get it.
During the c... read more
( culture / humor / blog ) So, my wife tells me most people do the dishes every day. I don't believe her. Every day? I ask.Yes, every day, she says.Every single day? I persist. She nods. You don't mean, I search for clarification, it's something that is an 'every day' thing, but in reality is not done literally every... read more
( culture / humor / pets ) I love this.
Read the rest of the article at So God made a dog
"And on the 9th day God looked down on his children and said they need a companion, so God Made A Dog. Paul Harvey-style tribute to dogs."... read more
( culture / humor ) Bureaucracy at its worst, legal argument at its bestPart of rebuilding New Orleans caused residents often to be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years.. With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along th... read more
( culture / humor ) Man, that's three this year. At a dollar apiece, I'm gonna be rich! :)
UPDATE: That was at Zazzle, but now I recommend CafePress (once it's set up).... read more
( culture / humor / jokes ) Montana State Trooper
In most of the United States there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when temperatures drop to single digits or below. About 3 a.m. one very cold morning, Montana State Trooper Allan Nixon responded to a call.There was a car off the shoulder of the ... read more
( culture / humor ) I just got an email saying I've made my first bumper sticker sale! They bought three, actually. At 33 cents commission per item, at this rate, one sale per year, I'll be rich in no time!
UPDATE: That was at Zazzle, but now I recommend CafePress (once it's set up).... read more
( culture / humor / jokes ) A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window:
"Cruise Special -- $99!"
She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the
$99 cruise special, please."
The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large
... read more
( culture / humor / jokes ) 1972: Long hair2002: Longing for hair1972: The perfect high2002: The perfect high yield mutual fund1972: KEG2002: EKG1972: Acid rock2002: Acid reflux1972: Moving to California because it's cool2002: Moving to California because it's warm1972: Growing pot2002: Growing pot belly1972: Trying to look li... read more
( culture / humor / jokes ) ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man smart woman romance
Smart man dumb woman affair
Dumb man smart woman marriage
Dumb man dumb woman pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss smart employee profit
Smart boss dumb employee production
Dumb boss smart employee promotion
D ... read more
( culture / humor / jokes / sports ) Top 10 Caddy comments
Here's one for you golfers.
# 10 Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
# 9 Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: &quo... read more
( culture / humor / quotes ) "I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20."
"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $2000 will only buy a used one."
"If cigarettes keep going up in price... read more
( culture / humor / language / english ) Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a ... read more
( culture / humor / jokes / airlines ) All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight safety lecture and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: 1. On a Southwest flight 245 (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were app... read more
( culture / humor / holidays ) Top 10 April Fools Day Hoaxes
SPAGHETTI HARVEST - Bogus item on 1957 BBC news show Panorama. Viewers seeking advice on growing their own were told to put spaghetti sprig in tin of tomato sauce.
SAN SERRIFFE - Guardian newspaper published seven-page supplement celebrating the Indian Ocean repub... read more
( culture / humor / quotes )
Andy Rooney on Monica. Can you believe it? Monica turned 28 this week. It seems like only yesterday that she was crawling round the White House on her hands and knees.
... on Vegetarians. Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter".
... on Prisoners. Did you know th... read more
( culture / humor / jokes ) Joke Images
Joke-related posts
And, to start us off, here's this:
A little Bible study never hurt anyone
Subject: Why can't I own a Canadian?
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Ort... read more
( culture / humor / jokes ) Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of politicians give the rest a bad name.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe... read more
( culture / humor / jokes ) Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the
boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pull... read more
( culture / humor / jokes ) After months of cold and winter, we are finally coming up to summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking as it's the only type of cooking a real man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.
When a... read more
( culture / humor / jokes / math ) This equation should be taught in all math classes! From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you t ... read more
( culture / humor / jokes ) Blonde in a hailstorm
A blonde is driving home and she gets caught in a really bad hail storm.The hail is as big as tennis balls, and she ends up with her car covered with large dents. So the next day she takes her car to the repair shop. The shop owner, seeing she is blonde, decides to have a... read more
( culture / humor / jokes ) Frequently Asked Questions About Healthcare
Q: What does HMO stand for?
A: This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was pok ... read more
( culture / humor / jokes ) NOTATIONS ON HOSPITAL CHARTS
Actual Sentences or notations Found In Patients' Hospital Charts (Proves that those medical folks are right on top of things.
1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on he ... read more
( culture / humor / jokes ) NEW LOS ANGELES DRIVER'S EXAM
For those of you who are not fortunate enough to live in Los Angeles, here is a copy of the Los Angeles Driver's Exam. For those of you who are, study real hard.
This is a new exam. Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique in Los Angeles, you may not have rea ... read more
( culture / humor / language )
In a public
restroom:
TOILET OUT OF
ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a laundromat:
AUTOMATIC
WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT
UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON
WHO TOOK T ... read more
( culture / humor / jokes / airlines ) After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial... read more
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