Sitting here looking at James (not his real name) to my right. My workday would be sooooo much better if I could ignore him, but, being in the cubicle across the aisle, I can't. For those new to this space, James is an idiot. Literally. Okay, “idiot/savant” might be more accurate. He is wicked smart when it comes to computer programming, but I'm pretty sure he is a CIA human science experiment gone horribly wrong. Luckily, he'll be leaving in 25 minutes.

We have flexible schedules here in “paradise” (not really paradise, but in fact the “shared services” division of a healthcare company). When he's here (he wasn't yesterday because he likes to skip Mondays and Fridays as often as possible) James usually leaves at 3. I guess he gets here at 6:30 in the morning, though no one else in the reporting department gets here early enough to verify that. I usually arrive by 7 and leave by 3:30, though today I missed that crucial 5-minute “departure window” and arrived around 7:30. Amazing. Leaving 10-15 minutes later than usual makes me 20-30 minutes later. It normally takes 45-50 minutes to get to work, 50-60 minutes to get home.

My wife and I had moved out to one of the southern suburbs a year and a half ago to put me closer to my office, only to have the office almost immediately move to within a few miles of where we used to live! Amazing! It pretty much sums up how out-of-sync I am with this company, though. But, hey, it could be a lot worse.

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