The Slow Leak

by Steve Holmes

Sept. 9, 2000
It was a gorgeous Sunday near the end of September and I needed some exercise. Exercise, just for the sake of exercise was probably best done by running on the treadmill at the athletic club. But on a day like that, just exercise wasn’t enough. I would take a bike ride on the American River Bike trail.


The Admired Car

by Steve Holmes, © Copyright 2001

“Beep, beep, blink, blink!” How the car, George wished she could honk her horn and flash her lights.

A car with a name? Yes, she knew her name was George because she heard one of her creators say it, “By George, she’s a beauty.”

It was a Sunday afternoon in the spring of 1925. Cars

Dinko Goes Shopping

by William Arthur “Bill” Holmes. © Copyright 1990-2010

There once was a cat named Dinko who loved food more than anything else in the world. Of course, when you’re a cat, food is probably the single most important thing in the world; so none of this should come as any great shock.

Sure, being cuddled and petted and sitting on t

Murder, or Just an Honest Mistake?

by William Arthur “Bill” Holmes. © Copyright 1990-2010

[The following story is rated PG. You figure it out.]

Madison Ripley Smith was sitting at his desk with his feet propped up when she walked in. Long legs, hourglass shape, luxurious jet-black hair, and matching jet-black eyes.

“What’s with the black eyes,” Smit

A Day at the Fair

by William Arthur “Bill” Holmes. © Copyright 1990-2010

I pulled into Angel’s Camp around noon. I was supposed to be meeting my brother Don and his wife Diane there … somewhere. We hadn’t actually decided on a meeting place. That would have been too easy.

I drove south on the main street through town (probably Main Street,

Lunch at Jack-In-The-Box

by William Arthur “Bill” Holmes. © Copyright 1990-2010

Driving around town the other day, I somehow ended up in Hollywood. I don’t get to Hollywood much anymore and don’t usually find myself missing it. But it was a beautiful day. And seeing all the quaint shops — each striving for uniqueness — and the many people on

The Leaky Weekly

by William Arthur “Bill” Holmes. © Copyright 1990-2010

The Leaky Weekly’s motto used to be: “It’s Not Just A Newspaper, It’s A Piece Of Us.” This was quickly perverted by the locals into: “It’s not just a newspaper, it’s a piece of ass.” So the motto was changed to: “It’s Not Just A Newspaper, It’s A Family Newsletter.” And that’s

One of Those Nights

by William Arthur “Bill” Holmes. © Copyright 1990-2010

It was late. Claude couldn’t sleep. He decided to walk to the corner liquor store for munchies and beer.

As he entered the store, he noticed a girl at the phone-booth by the door. She smiled a curious smile and Claude smiled back uncertainly, then proceeded into the store.

Lipstick & WD-40

by William Arthur “Bill” Holmes. © Copyright 1990

Sandi strolled out of the motel room wearing her tight spandex pants, high-heeled shoes and a simple peasant blouse. She had just turned another trick and she wanted to vomit. This was not a reaction to just the one trick, but from the life she had been leading these past several

Family newsletter

Old stuff, but some of it’s still funny … It’s basically the precursor to this website. Click the links in the table of contents, above. Otherwise, just do a search in the home page’s search box for “newsletter” (without quotes).