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The Leaky Faucet

Vol. 4, No. 2, February 13, 1992
"The quintessential newsletter."
Warning: May not be suitable for the humor impaired.

Elvis lives!

Yes, all your prayers have been answered! "The King" is alive and well! We know this for a fact because we saw it on a t.v. special hosted by Bill Bixby, "The Elvis Conspiracy." Elvis is now apparently living somewhere near Cleveland.

Galaxy sold

The Milky Way Galaxy was apparently sold the other day. Who bought it? Probably the Japanese. [wait a minute] Sorry, our wire service feed was garbled. It wasn't the Milky Way Galaxy, but "Galaxy," Tiffany's horse that was sold. Who bought it? Probably the Japanese.

Greg, June and family tour California

We sent a reporter out after them, but due to Greg's evasive tactics, the reporter was never able to catch them. We do know this much: Andy's favorite of Lucy's dogs is "Cougie."

Lucy to undergo surgery

Lucy threw her back out a few weeks ago, and now she faces the prospect of undergoing excruciatingly painful surgery. We asked her about the upcoming surgery and she replied, "Well, Diane told me all about her back surgery — saying how much fun it was and everything — so I'm not worried. In fact, I'm looking forward to it! Who wouldn't? If it's anything like the MRI [magnetic resonance imaging] that I went through earlier — you know, where they put you on a slab and slide you into this tube and clamp it shut, making you feel like you're being buried alive — what's there to worry about?"
Sounds like fun.

Doug snags hot mall

Doug will be set up in Sacramento's best mall, Arden Fair, for the entire month of March! What a coup!
Also on the Doug front, he currently has a toll free "800"number. But it's only available for a limited time, so call him now while it's still free! The number is 1-800-xxx-xxxx.

Sacto man honored

Lionel Holmes of Sacramento was recently given an Award of Merit for Publications by the Sacramento County Historical Society for his book, "Portuguese Pioneers of the Sacramento Area." They gave him a plaque and everything. You should see it. It's hanging on his wall. You can't miss it. As you walk into his office, it'll be on your left.
CONGRATULATIONS, Dad!

INTERVIEW

WANTED:

An experienced interviewer who knows that the hell he or she is doing!

WANTED:

Plastic-coated twist ties (those little strips with wire in the middle, used for sealing plastic bags). Any size, but must be plastic-coated. Respond immediately to 510-xxx-xxxx if you have any of these things.

JOKES

NUPTIALS

Eleanor's granddaughter, her son Jon's daughter, Alicia, is getting married to somebody's grandson Saturday, February 29 in Phoenix.

BIRTHDAYS, ETC.

DOG NEWS

SPORTS UPDATE


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