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the
NEWSLETTER

Vol. 2, No. 11, August 13, 1990

Doug makes pilgrimage

Doug, aka "Sluggo", made a pilgrimage to the Mormon church's genealogical library in Salt Lake City over a week ago and hasn't been seen since! Several theories have been put forward in an effort to explain his missingness, but we think . . .
[Update: He's just called the paper to say he's been converted to Mormonism and will be spending the rest of his life in Salt Lake City.]

Jim to be wed

Jim Thomas, Eleanor's grandson, is engaged to be married this month.

Both Jim and his bride to be, Lindie, work for the fire department. Congratulations!

Dad shows slides

Dad and Eleanor broke into Steve and Denise's home recently and gave a slide show. The show focused on Steve's life from birth to present day. It was very exciting.
As an added bonus, Denise and Bill took turns playing the piano. Then they all gathered round the piano and sang "Oh If Had The Wings Of An Angel" until the cops came and broke it up.

Tiffany wins 4-H events

Tiffany has done it again. At a recent 4-H competition, she got the best score for dog handling, horse handling and pig handling! Also on the [redacted] front, Thomas has a new Nintendo game! It's non-stop action at the [redacted]'s!

Bill back to work

After a seven month vacation, Bill has returned to the temporary word processing world from whatever world he's been in. No, he hasn't finished school.

He's just run out of money. "What a drag," said Bill.

Denise throws party

fight breaks out

Steve and Denise hosted another Pictionary® party this past weekend, except they didn't play Pictionary, they played Scattergories®. Bill was there, of course. But he was caught cheating and sent home early. Steve was cheating also and Denise had to lock him in the closet. No fights actually broke out, but it sure makes for a great headline, doesn't it?

INTERVIEW

This week, we're talking with John of Lathrop, California. He's about to embark on a trip to South Dakota. The indented paragraphs are John's responses.

MISCELLANEOUS

Steve, Denise and Bill went to the harness races the other day — and won! Every bet they placed was a winner! Bill won $40, Denise won enough to buy a coke, and Steve doubled his money — $3! "I'm coming here every day!" said an excited Steve. Don't tell Steve, but the horses have moved on to southern California.

Are you looking for a few good sleazy bars to go to in Sacramento? Well, purely for research, we've checked out a few and came up with these:

In case you haven't received your copy of Neighbors in which there's an article on Lionel Holmes, famous author, local celebrity (left), we've printed bits and pieces of it below:

The book itself answers very serious questions about life, like: WHO ARE THE PORTUGUESE? — Page 1. WHY DID THEY LEAVE? — Page 15. WHERE DID THEY GO? — Page 23. WHAT WAS PRINCE HENRY THE NAVIGATOR'S MIDDLE NAME? — Page 4. Stuff like that. We haven't gotten past page 23 yet. But when we do, we'll file another report.

Stay tuned for next week's "Best Gutters to Pass Out In"!

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Don't believe everything you read.


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