British Problems

Stumbled upon this and thought I'd share. Here's a sample…

  • Look, buddy, I get it . You have a Ferrari and you "wanna go fast" like Ricky Bobby but maybe central f*cking London isn't the place for you.
  • Phone doctors at 7.59 "surgery is closed" Phone doctors at 8.00 "You are number 8 in the queue"
  • You can work with people who bitch, back-stab, lie, who are lazy or grossly incompetent – but if you lose your temper and swear at them, you're the bad guy. Office's need more swearing and less sh*t-stirring.
  • To the guy stupidly revving his 25cc bike every time he goes past: You're NOT cool. NOBODY thinks you're clever. You're the very antithesis of both, and in my Britain you'd be hanging by your ankles in London Tower in a room full of revving scooter engines.
  • Always saying please and thank you to Siri, Alexa etc. Because if there's a robot uprising, I feel a track record of politeness towards machines will be vital.
  • "Are you going out Friday after work with us all?"… mate, I'll be out that door faster than a bat out of hell, running like Forest Gump to get away from you all, not stopping until I get home and can forget about work. So no.
  • The deep sense of loss when you go to drink the last sip of tea, and realise you've already had it.
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