And if the network you’re on has Twitter blocked, but you’re Jonesing for more of my “witty” banter, here are some of my favorites.
Dare to be nice (or friendly) once in a while instead of “cool.”
As my brother-in-law says, “Jus’ sayin’.”
I’m a huge soccer fan, but absolutely hate penalty shootouts. That is no way to decide a game. The winning team needs to be determined by playing the game, not through penalty kicks. That’s like deciding an American football game by having five or six players from each time line up and kick field goals at the end of the game, or deciding a basketball game through a predetermined number of free throws by each team at the very end. It’s just stupid. Yes, there’s drama and suspense in a penalty shootout, but it’s a stupid kind of drama. It detracts from an otherwise “beautiful game.”
The way to solve this is through a couple of key changes with the offsides rule. There should be no more offsides except inside the 18 yard line (penalty box). That should help produce more goals during the game. To help the goalie, there will be no one other than the goalie allowed in the goal box except on corner kicks. Got that?
No offsides except inside the 18 yard line. No one but the goalie inside the goal box except on corner kicks. For a diagram of a soccer field, click here.
I think my changes would create a lot more scoring, and obviate the need for the dreaded penalty shootout. You’re welcome.
“I think I’m addicted to cereal,” I said.
“Addicted?” she asked,
“Yeah, I’m going to hit the street looking for my latest fix.”
“And by ‘street,’ you mean Aisle 3 at Kroger, right?”
“Don’t question my street cred!”
The 2015 Triple Crown winner American Pharoah ran the sixth-fastest Belmont Stakes ever, but if he were racing against Secretariatâ€™s record time in 1973, he would have been a distant second. Watch the two races side-by-side.
Or, rather, what I’d want on my MP3 player if stuck on a deserted island (with rechargeable batteries and a solar-powered battery charger). A bunch of songs have been left off simply because they’ve been played to death. Some songs are on here simply because I like (try) to sing along, or maybe it has a killer riff/refrain/sequence but the rest of the song is nothing special. The list, in alphabetical order, is as follows:
A Day in the Life – The Beatles
Addicted To Love – Robert Palmer
Ain’t That a Shame – Cheap Trick
All Of Me – John Legend
All Of Me – Willie Nelson (Simons/Marks)
All We Ever Do Is Say Goodbye – John Mayer
American Girl – Tom Petty
American Pie – Don McLean
Baby Hold On – Dixie Chicks
Backstreets – Bruce Springsteen
Bad – U2
Baila Me – Gipsy Kings
… because the old one is no longer being updated with security updates. Just FYI if you come here and think it’s been hacked or hijacked. It hasn’t, unless you count my own hack job!
These six daily happiness exercises are proven to make anyone, from a 4-year old to an 84-year old, happy, or simply happier, Achor says.
Source: Six exercises for happiness
The 20 three-year-olds to make the starting gate in the Kentucky Derby are determined by the Road to the Kentucky Derby, a series [of] races leading up to the Derby where contenders can earn points. Follow the leaderboard to see who will make the starting gate on the first Saturday in May.
Source: The Road to the Kentucky Derby
It’s that time of year again! I’m picking Carpe Diem, but I’m usually wrong.
I guess the only “diet” most of us need to be on is non-GMO.
… and riding therapy operation now has a GoFundMe page! I hope you’ve got some pocket change you can donate. Thanks! Here’s the link:
Did you know that avocados are poisonous to most pets? Check out these links:
That first link says:
Level of toxicity: In dogs and cats: mild. In other species (e.g., birds, ruminants, etc.), moderate to severe.
I was explaining to my 9 year old daughter what “networking” is, and that I’m not very good at it.
She opined, “That’s because a lot of people judge you by your looks. And you’re not …”
“You trying to say I’m ugly?”
“I don’t think so,” she said, “but other people do, yeah.”
Don’t you just love kids?
[Bill Holmes: FYI, the “I” in this story is not me. The author wanted to share this info without being identified. Can you blame him? ]
I looked online and it’s hard to find direct, simple instructions, they tend to get academic or theoretical about it.
It’s very simple: APPLY HARD PRESSURE!
Once, I cut myself on the job trying to free a piece of metal, and got smacked in the forehead with the metal piece, and it was flowing pretty steadily. I got a paper towel and applied hard pressure for about 15 minutes and it stopped bleeding.
Another time, I dropped a ceramic bowl, it broke, bounced in the air, and the edge landed on top of my foot, right on a vein. It was practically a gusher and I had visions of bleeding to death like Stephen Foster. I did the same procedure and after about an hour, it stopped so I could steri-strip and bandage it. No stitches needed, although a doctor would have probably insisted.
A few weeks ago I developed a large skin tag on the side of my nose, real sightly! It was gradually drying out and it seemed safe to snip it off with a scissors. But it was not as dried as I thought and it started flowing pretty steadily from a small hole, not like a scrape or tear where 2 sides of the skin could fuse together. But I applied hard pressure for about an hour and it stopped.
So this is good advice for anyone who has kids or lives alone.
There’s something on the kitchen counter. I’m thinking it’s a shriveled, rotting potato. Not that we usually have that sort of thing on the counter, but that’s what I’m thinking.
I point at it and ask my wife, “What is that?”
“Elizabeth’s rock,” wife deadpans. “She’s convinced it’s a fossilized dinosaur tooth.”
I just laughed out loud. Of course! Why didn’t I see that?!
NOT ALL THIEVES ARE STUPID
(from somewhere on the Internet)
1. LONG-TERM PARKING:
Some people left their car in the long-term parking at San Jose while away, and someone broke into the car. Using the information on the car’s registration in the glove compartment, they drove the car to the people’s home in Pebble Beach and robbed it. So I guess if we are going to leave the car in long-term parking, we should NOT leave the registration/insurance cards in it, nor your remote garage door opener. This gives us something to think about with all our new electronic technology.
Someone had their car broken into while t hey were at a football game. Their car was parked on the green which was adjacent to the football stadium and specially allotted to football fans. Things stolen from the car included a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had been prominently mounted on the dashboard. When the victims got home, they found that their house had been ransacked and just about everything worth anything had been stolen. Continue reading
Please DONATE to Harmony Haven Therapeutic Riding & Horse Rescue’s fundraiser to build better shelter for the winter. Thanks.
Standard wheat harvest protocol in the US is to drench the wheat fields with Roundup several days before the combine harvesters work through the fields [because] withered, dead wheat plants are less taxing on the farm equipment and allows for an earlier, easier and bigger harvest